Refinement

Needless to say, I have had a CRAZY three days.  Mostly because Tyler and I are engaged!  Can you believe it?!  I'm still soaking it all in!  We have had a fabulous first few days of engagement--we've laughed, cried (well I've cried!), and everything in between.  Our families have surrounded us with tons of laughter, tears of joy, and a few champagne toasts :)  It has been overwhelming how much love we have felt from family, friends, the 8th grade science teacher who seated us next to each other in class.  God's love has been so evident to me in a new way over the past few days--I wish I could put that into words that expressed the depth of that statement.  We have never felt so loved as individuals or as a couple.  To see the number of people who support us, love us, pray for us has been a beautiful picture of the Lord cherishing Tyler and I enough to place all these beautiful brothers and sisters in our lives.  I wish I could hug each and every person who has loved us through the years.  Your love has influenced us greatly.

While it has certainly been several days of excitement, the process of preparation has already begun.  Of course we already started the wedding planning, but much more importantly, the preparation process for our marriage has begun.  It has been an AMAZING three days that I have looked forward to for a long time, but.  ...yes, there is a but...it has been a hard, refining three days.  The world and every magazine at Barnes and Noble says that the engagement period is all about the wedding, the ceremony, the flowers, the details of the best day of your life.  That's been a hard thing to war against in my heart for three days.  My instinct is to go start planning my entire wedding right now and get lost in "the greatest day of my life."  But, I desperately want to get lost in preparing for my marriage--in preparing for the greatest adventure of my life...not just one exciting wedding day.  That's an easy thing to write, and a nearly impossible thing to put into practice.  But the Lord has been ever so faithful.

"See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction.  For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees, and laws; then you will and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess."  (Deut 30:15).

This is where He has me.  I want to spend this season of life sitting before the Lord learning to better walk in His ways.  This is not just wedding planning season, it's a season of refinement.  It will be hard, difficult, and crazy at times.  But I trust He makes the Bride more beautiful by refining His children.  It will be a crazy ride, but a simple one...love the Lord your God.  Love the one who loved me first.

Simplicity

Turns out blogging is hard.  Especially the first post!  I have so many thoughts rattling around in my head, so many invention ideas, revelations about truth, who God is, and what He is trying to reveal, and consistent additions to my bucket list.  So naturally with all these thoughts, I thought blogging would be an easy way for me to unload all my thoughts and everything I'm learning onto a website....I thought wrong.  As I started typing, I began to realize a struggle I hadn't even considered in blogging.  A struggle that I as a woman have always battled.  Insecurity.

When you start to wonder who will read your blog, how they will critique your thoughts and your grammar, and how they will forever think of you from that one blog post.  Welcome to insecurity--when we are so consumed with how we are being perceived to the point that it actually affects the way we live.  What a silly way to live!  The more I beg to be good soil for the Kingdom of God, the more I realize I am the seed among the thorns.  Where the seed falls, and the worries of this world and insecurity choke the life out of it. But if you could only have seen my heart a year ago, six months ago, or last week.  The chains are loosening and the thorns are less and less...I am starting to taste freedom more and more deeply!  Even as this post progressed, I tasted a little more freedom.  Just a little more...but that is what we celebrate.  Moving one step closer, day by day, moment by moment.  I picture a small dance party in heaven celebrating the freedom I'm learning right now!  The freedom of just being who we were created to be--just me and just you.  There will be a day when insecurity will not rule in my life.  Until then, I think the Lord is going to use this blog to reveal just how deep insecurity runs in my heart so He can chisel it out and refine me.  

I thought this blog was to get my ideas out and process my thoughts better, but I think it's going to be something even bigger than that.  I think it's going to be a daily/weekly challenge to examine my heart about what is driving me to post what I want to post.  It's going to be a consistent eye-opener to the thorns in my heart that He is so desperate to weed out!

It's Official

It's official.  I am a blogger.